Friday, August 26, 2011

Ashley and Mamta

Diary Entry 24

Ashley is short for Ashok Leyland. Before you send me a message congratulating me, let me tell you that I did not get the job :D 

Act I

Scene I


8:00 Pm

Me: Eda look at this new picture Mamta put in her facebook page.

Not the chief minister of Bengal, Mamta. The Movie Actress/Singer/Cancer Survivor, Mamta.

Roomie: She is so yuck.

Me: :| Are you kidding me man? She is the prettiest actress in the Malayalam movie industry.

Roomie: She is shit.

Me: She is a goddess.

I change my wallpaper from the black BMW that was there, to a picture of Mamta.

Me: We shouldn’t even drool at her da. It will become a sin :D

Roomie: Too much hype for the worst looking actress ever.

Me: I bet if we said we wanted to build a temple for her, we will get crores of rupees as donation.

Roomie: Okay why don’t you pray to her from now on if you think she is a goddess.

Me: :D :D *Grins *

Scene II


7:30 Am

I never wake up early, but recently I have been obsessed about blogging. I became so obsessed that people started spreading rumors that I propose to every chick that follows me. The publicity even though negative involved my blog and any publicity for my blog was good. :D

Roomie: You are always sitting with your blog or reading other peoples blogs.

Me: Hmmm. It is fun. You should try sometime.

Roomie: Yeah? I have better things to do.

Me: Lol. Yeah, you are right. Blogging is for jobless people like me. :D

I prepare to shut down and go have a bath and get ready for college. My roomie sees the new wall paper of Mamta I put up yesterday.

Roomie: Change your wall paper da. It looks horrible.

Me: Hey!! Dont say bad things about goddess :D You will be punished.

Roomie: DAI!!

I joined my hands, looked at my laptop and pretended to pray.

Roomie: Your day is going to be the worst day possible. You just wait and see.

Me: We will see :P

8:30 Pm

Roomie: Hey Ashok Leyland is coming next Thursday.

Me: Did I not tell you something awesome is going to happen?

Roomie: What?

Me: Mamta :P

Roomie: OH GOD (He puts his hand in his head)

Me: haha. I don’t think I will sit though. I thought they will come after independence day. I don’t have my certificates or any interview clothes.

Roomie: Why don’t you go home this weekend?

Me: Well is it really worth the trouble? Three hundred people are going to sit and they are going to pick people in single digits for the job. That is a very slim chance.

Roomie: Still, lets give it a shot.

Me: Hmmm so I guess I will go then huh?

Roomie: Yeah. That will be a good idea. :)

So I ran home that weekend and have the entire episode of the “Shopping Blues”, got all the certificates and came back.


Scene I


7:00 Am

I was looking at the past year question papers.

Roomie: You going through all that?

Me: Yeah. Some questions in this paper came last time :)

Roomie: Ashok Leyland is not that stupid to repeat question papers da.

Me: Well since we did not prepare anything, we might as well do this.

Roomie: Lol You pray to your beloved Mamta.

Me: Hey! I forgot about that :D. You just wait and see, I am going to clear the apti test today with her power.

Roomie: Haha Sure.

Scene II

3:00 Pm

The first round and the only round that day was the aptitude. When I finished the aptitude, I knew that I had done well but if I had done well then the other people would have done better. So I go back to my hostel to take a good long sleep.

(Phone Rings)

Friend: Where are you?

Me: In Room. What happened?

Friend: We have to go back to give our attendance da.

Me: What? Nobody would have gone to class? What are they teaching there anyway?

Friend: Well if you get lag in the end, you will get OD. But that is only if you sign in the paper they have there.

Me: Shit okay lets go.

One might think that the whole purpose of doing an engineering degree is to find employment but in my part of the world even if there is a possible chance of employment, classes WILL go on as usual and you wont get attendance for anything.

When I went there, they had asked us to assemble to read out the names of the people who got short listed. Bored and hopeless I was texting my text buddies.

Voice: Aaakj Vasjkd Rasgkj

Me: (Did someone just read out my name)

Then he read it out again.

Me: Whaaat? :O

I find it extremely irritating when some people cant even pronounce my name properly. How hard can it be for an Indian to say that? It did not sound like my name but then he said it the second time. I had cleared the first round. I was one in the thirty.

Scene III

 (I call my mom)

Me: Amma, I cleared the first round.

Mom: Oh. How many people cleared it?

Me: Thirty over all. Seventeen from my branch.

Mom: How many people gave the exam?

Me: Three Hundred.

Mom: Okay. Do well like this when Ford comes.

Me: This is better than Ford. They pay a lot more here.

Mom: Oh. So you want this job?

Me: I wouldn't need counselling for depression if I happen to get it.

Mom: You can still try for Ford rite?

Me: No they allow only placement in one company. If I get a job in multiple companies, then I will be denying the chances other people have.  I cannot sit for a Ford, if I get a job here.

Mom: WHAT? That is so unfair.

Me: Sheesh. Is it unfair if I have a higher paying job and go for a interview in a lower paying job?

Mom: Hmmm. Still. Okay then. Bye.

Me: Bye.

Then I call my father.

Me: Acha. I got thro...

Dad: Kutta I will call you later.

Me: oka..(Phone Cut)..y

After fifteen minutes my dad calls.

Dad: I was driving. What happened? Is it your mess bill again?

Me: No Acha. You know that company I told you about last time when I came home to buy clothes for my interview.

Dad: Yeah? What about it?

Me: Well I cleared the aptitude there.

Dad: Okay. When is Ford coming?

I don’t know why my family is obsessed about ford.

Me: I don’t know.

Dad: Dont worry if you don’t get placed here. Just do your best to get placed in Ford.

Me: Sheesh thanks dad.

(Phone cut)

8 hours later

(Phone Rings)

Mom: Eda, Did I congratulate you for clearing the interview?

Me: Uh I don’t remember. But it doesn’t matter amma. It is not like I will get the job. I might.

Mom: Congratulations :D

Me: Thank you Amma.

It took 8 hours to sink in.


Scene I


11:00 Am

It has been three weeks and they have not said a word about the interview. In the end during when  the interview came, it happened in the worst possible way. It was video conferencing and the people from NIT were also attending it with us.

Me: What did he ask you?

NIT Guy: He asked me what mems was?

Me: What?

NIT: yeah. I said it is micro electro mechanical systems.

Me: That is correct but it is no way related to mechanical. You have to be in electrical to know that.

NIT: He told me it was wrong.

Me: What else did he ask you?

NIT: He asked how do you measure surface finish? I said in microns. He said it was wrong. He doesn’t know anything da. Everything I say, he says it is wrong.

Me: lol okay.

NIT: Seri ah na bonda va irukane da. (He is one bonda da) (See picture to know what 'Bonda' is)

Me: :D Did he put you in a lot of stress or something?

NIT: Dude that guy did not even look at my face. Forget maintaining eye contact. There will be none. He will look down and ask questions.

Me: Sheesh okay.

NIT: One guy even started yawning when I was answering the questions.

Me: Oh man.

Scene II

It was my turn in the interview. I had prepared the about me speech and tell me about your training speech like everybody else.

Interviewer: Briefly tell me about yourself.

Me: Sir I did my schooling in SSV tambram. My parents are both doctors. Since I...

Interviewer: What doctors?

Me: Dad is home physician and mom Dermatologist. Since I had no interest...

Interviewer: Where are they located?

Me: Tambaram.

Interviewer: Okay continue...

I say the about me and there is not even the slightest reaction from these people. They were not looking at me nor reacting to what I say. Forget smiling and sounding confident. It doesn’t make a difference.

A lot of technical bullshit was asked and a non mechanical student wont understand any of it and mechanical students wont be interested in any of it. But this how the interview ended...

Interviewer: What is the alloy of brass.

Me: (Is brass not an alloy itself? How do you make a alloy of a alloy?)

Me: Dont know sir.

Interviewer: Thank you.

I did the interview considerably well but after the interview I really did not care if I worked for the company or not. I had no respect for the people who asked me the questions. But the high salary they promised to give made me want the job. :D

A friend of mine asked me a copy of mamta’s wallpaper. I can give it to you but it wont help you clear your aptitude test. :)  

When the list came out they had taken four out of the seventeen people. I was relieved that it was all over. The butterflies in my stomach finally stopped flapping their wings.

I planned to write this if I got a job but then like my friend said before the interview, when everything is over, the sun will continue to rise and my parents will still love me, so I thought, what the heck. I am not really sad about anything so I might as well write the blog I intended to write :) :)

P.S - I have not seen any of Mamta's movies. I just like her. She had cancer and she continued acting and singing and doing everything she was doing when she had it. That is enough for me to like her :P 

Previous Post - For those who think I am a liar


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

For those who think I am a liar

Diary Entry 23

I was thinking why people pulverize coal during my power plant exam. This post is the only thing I could come up with.

Dear Friend,
During exams people pray for a lot of things. They might pray for easy question papers, a strong memory or a lenient evaluation. I however pray for motivation. Motivation to open the book and start studying. Especially if its history, eh I mean theory paper.  

Exams are such a distraction to my otherwise wonderful life. When I see people who study well in advance for their exams, I can’t help but wonder how they do it. I look at them in awe and also with a little bit of envy because I cant bring myself to study even the day before the exam. Me writing this post with not one but two exams tomorrow will tell you how excited I am about tomorrow’s exam.
If you have asked me before any theory exam, how much I prepared, you would have noticed that I tell the same thing, “Macha, Onnume Padikala.” (Dude, I have not studied anything.) I am not lying when I say this. You however will refuse to believe me because a week later, the faculty will distribute our answer sheets and my mark will turn out to be forty or more out of fifty and that is enough for you to think I am a liar.

But most of the things that they test us in have no relevance in our lives. So I dont study because there is a serious lack of motivation to study. When I want to remember the things that I study or if the teacher is super strict or if it was miss world teaching me, then maybe I would have had some motivation and you would have seen me studying. But in the mechanical department we don't have any miss, leave alone miss world. Also most of subjects, like machine tool design, have no use unless we want to do research. Research happens to be one of those things that make me say ‘yuck’ when someone asks me if I am interested in it. To me it is never ending and futile. It scares me to even imagine me doing it. So why will I be excited about studying subjects like that?
To me the whole process of examination is nothing but writing down the story our professor told us in class a month ago. The problem is that he wants to hear the same story and I don't know the story and if I tell him the wrong stuff then I wont pass. Reading it from the book is going to take a long time but no matter how massive the book is, I can be complete it in the three hours right before the exam. Sometimes its makes me think I have the worlds speed reading record. I really don’t read the books though. What I do instead is exchange information with my buddy. I go to his room and tell him I haven’t studied anything and I ask him to teach me all the stuff he has studied in 5 mins and he gives a quick overview of the entire syllabus and I will end up having the frame work for my story. So next time when I say it will take only 5 minutes to cover the entire syllabus, you will know there is some truth in what I say and it is not a mere exaggeration. A helpful friend like this can go a long way from you being a failure to a topper. So I end up writing the story the professor told us but I will miss the details of the story. I will add my own details based on logic and imagination and that is how I get marks in any exam. You might have done this too but without the same results. The difference between you and me is that I write relevant stuff and you don't. If they ask you to write the Ramayan please make sure its Ram and Ravan and not Jesus and Sadam Husein. You can make the demon kill the god, because it really doesn’t matter who killed who or what did what, as long as you get the names and the terms right, because in a exam they only look for keywords and not the logic that connects them. Sadly some teachers can be a painful exception to that rule and you must watch out for them.     

After the exam when I am given the answer papers with more marks that I deserve, I don’t sit and smile like you do. I fight with the teacher as if he did great injustice to the boy who spent his entire life studying for that particular exam. I know it is a bit too much and it is me being greedy but better marks in the first two internal means I can sleep in my room or maybe go home during the third internal.

Nane padips illa (I am not a nerd). So next time when I tell you I haven’t started studying, please don’t think I am lying. Log on to facebook and you will find me there. : )  

The Narcissist

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