Thursday, June 23, 2011

Describing my ideal partner (in 45 sec)

Diary Entry 9




You must be over 21 years old to read this post. If you are under 21 or do not wish to view humor only adults find funny then you must move on to the next post now. Mature audience only.  




In TOEFL there is a reading section, a Listening section, a Speaking section and a Writing section. I was told that the exam was so easy that people who don't even know the pattern get 100+/120. I havent got my scores yet. I do think I did well for most part of the exam, but I found only one question in the entire exam very very hard. It was the first question in the speaking section. A question about a familiar topic is presented to you and you have 15 sec to prepare and 45 sec to talk about it.


Describe an ideal partner. What qualities do you think are important for him or her? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choices.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta (26.8.1919-5.9.1997)...When I first heard the question. I was ecstatic. I mean, I think about chicks all the time :D. How hard is it going to be talking about the ideal one? If you are an Indian, and by Indian I don't mean the ultra modern one, you will think about a husband or wife when you hear the word partner. Probably because most women and eh some men in India want to save themselves for marriage and their spouse is the only partner they end up having in their lives. I decided I will talk about the topic in the most unindian way possible. That is, I decided to talk about the ideal girl friend instead of a wife. I was advised that in the speaking section it is best to have an image in the mind and to talk about the image and describe it. Did I have a image in the mind? Hell yeah. My ideal partner was something of a cross breed of Deepika Padukone and Pamela Anderson (the less endowed version). In my mind's eye she had the heart of Mother Theresa and the skills of T*ri B*a*k. (Please dont try to fill the stars if you are a girl) I had so much to say or so I thought.

When I took my pencil to write down something to talk about, I realized that my perverted spirit was running free. I had so many things that I wanted to say, but they were all perverse. Losing points for saying perverted things was not the last of my problems. There were 20 people in the same room who will hear every word that I will speak. This made me extremely self conscious. The girl next to me is what we call a 'pakka' iyer ponnu. To be a 'pakka' iyer girl it is not enough if you belong to the caste. You should also dress, look and walk the part. In short, they are the Indian version of Virgin Marys who hope to get pregnant without anything physical happening. The last thing I wanted was for this girl to look at me in shock and say, "You said the F word." So my choice of expression was limited by the people around me and the only thing I could come up with was that my ideal partner has to be hot and I wasn't entirely sure if I could say that either.

I did have other things to say. Like I wanted my girl to be employed and to be educated. But then I will be taking the Indian stand as I will be saying things that I wanted my wife to be. Even if I did take the Indian stand, it will take only 5 seconds to say everything I had to say and I have to speak for 45 seconds. The computer beeped signalling the end of my prep time and my notes paper had only one word written on it for me to talk about. The word was "hottie". Even god must have been biased in a level when he made men visual creatures and women verbal creatures.



I spoke for 40 seconds nonstop. I finally did take the Indian stance of describing the ideal spouse instead of the ideal girl friend. For the second part I ended up speaking about the girl who my grandmother would have thought was ideal for me. The compatible one who fits well with the family. I couldn't believe I came up with such crap. I said a lot of inappropriate things too. There was this place where I said I wanted my girl to have fire. What I meant was I wanted a industrious girl. But I guess the interpretation is left to the evaluator's imagination.

As soon as the computer beeped to signal the end speaking I was very relieved. Describing my ideal partner for 45 sec was the hardest thing I ever did. In GRE, if there was one thing that I needed no preparation, it was reading comp. I was so good at it. In TOEFL the level was even lower so I finished all the questions in record time and I finished the listening too in record time. I was the first person to start speaking and the first person to finish that section too. After the speaking section I started off with the writing. The guy sitting next to me just entered his speaking section and he got the exact same question I did. I know this because he started talking by saying my ideal partner is.... All the other questions were also same. I couldn't ignore him because he was talking so loud and I was trying to make up shit for my essay. But what shocked me was he was describing his ideal partner in the masculine. It was a relief actually because no matter how bad my description about the ideal partner was, there was always the chance for the evaluators to give me extra points for being straight. Then it occurred to me that he might have thought partner meant something like a friend or business partner.



Its been a week now and I am still wondering how my ideal partner should be. Frankly I will be okay with anybody as long as they love me. Still cant talk for 45 seconds though.



P.S - I like iyer girls (Just in case you thought the opposite). NO. FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT An IYER

My TOEFL score is 110 and you probably thought I will flunk :D (30/6/2011)




Previous Post -Travel Partner

24 Comments for this post:

  1. I like iyer boys. It's a curse and blessing.

    So did you get your TOFEL scores yet?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha well I have never felt that looking like a iyer was a blessing till i read this comment :D. Will post the tofel scores here when I get it. I know some people are thinking I probably did horribly after reading this post... :P

      Delete
  2. You scored well even after all that :D
    By saying 'After all that', I meant yes, it took me in a surprise too ;)

    Haha, I did enjoy reading it though :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :D lol glad you liked it. Your blog is great.

      Delete
  3. I'm laughing like anything, bookmarked it, will read it again. Too good, all boys think alike!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol dont just book mark it, share it :D.

      Lol glad you liked it :)

      Delete
  4. You sit for an exam and think of all this? Good one.

    ReplyDelete
  5. So abhi finally i have started reading ur blog :-P . This post is the best i have read till now :-D keep blogging . U r doing great :-D
    www.nandhuonline.blogspot.com ( couldnot resist advertising )

    ReplyDelete
  6. haha! nice spun on the whole thing. You did get me a little confused or should I say wary in the beginning, for the line said 21+ but as I scrolled down there was a picture of Mother Theresa man!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh wow. I see how this post will look like to a speed reader :D

      Delete
  7. interesting.. if I had the question I don't think I would have managed to say anything at all.

    I still can't come up with a 45-sec reply (note: without the noise). ;)

    my question went like "what do you say to the person next to you who is nervous about the exam?". and I had wanted to say stay silent I can't concentrate (perhaps they should start grading honest replies too). I wasn't even sure my answer was clearly recorded with all that background talking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol speaking can be a little challenging. How much did u get?

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. oh wow. you came back and commented :D you are awesome

      Delete
  9. Hahaha.. I enjoyed your post thoroughly. Well described. Came here through a blog review! Ask a lady and she can give you minimum 15minutes description on her ideal partner!! I guess most of the men from India would want a mix of Deepika Padukone and Pamela Anderson, but they would love to settle with kind of "iyer" girl you have just mentioned!
    Good one! :D couldn't stop laughing...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol I dont come under the most men you described ;)

      Delete
  10. This is a mysterious post.I was waiting to read the perverse part and i ended up looking at mother teressa's photo.You have a way with words,i'm not surprised to scored well in gre/tofel.yet again,amusing!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. haha :D you only noticed the mother theressa huh? :D Thank you :)

      Delete
  11. Been reading your blog (read : like a despo stalker ;p) for quite sometime and I must say its masttttt!

    Read almost all your posts from Kitchen failures, to why you dont hook up, to conversation with Amma.. will stop by more often!!

    Kappu

    Stop by my post "Woman Hitler", I'd love to hear from you! *cheers*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read my post Kappu :)

      Delete
  12. How comes you need a TOEFEL test with your impeccable English skills? =s
    However I liked what I read. You seem to have a great humour. =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol my English is far from impeccable to tell you the truth. I am glad you liked it Ishi.

      Delete