Diary Entry – 43
So my stomach was making noises. I was hungry and mom was not
home. I think veins started popping out of my eyes. I could not stand it any
longer. So I do a brave thing of going into the kitchen, of all places.

Noodles?
I already searched for a packet in every corner of the
house. Nothing.
I said a prayer: Please God! Dont let me die. I wont waste
any food from now on.
Tears started to stream down
my face.
I should have listened when I was asked not to skip lunch. I could not even find an apple (apple because some of you will find banana too perverse).
I went to the fridge one more time to study my options. There
were carrots, capsicum and a few other things I did not know. Eat
carrots like bugs bunny rite?
No.
I did not want to eat something I spent my entire life hating.
Eggs was the last option. Well I had to cook
it. Fortunately I had seen it being cooked so many times before that I was some
what of an expert in it, even if I had never actually cooked one in the
kitchen.
So I decided I was going to have fried eggs. I turned on the gas. I tried several times to turn on the stove. Gas
smell filled my nose but there was no fire in stove. If I kept that up, tomorrow’s news would have been “Hungry Boy Died in Kitchen trying to make an omelette.” Not the kind of headlines I want to be making.
So I turned off the gas and looked around to realize that we had
a microwave. This is where I got really nerdy. Well we can cook eggs in a
microwave without anybody getting killed rite? Well not quite. I happened to
attend a lecture on microwave welding of metals by a visiting IIT faculty in
our college and I remembered him telling:
“Eggs explode when you put them in a microwave.”
But he was talking about an egg with a shell. The shell
prevents the water molecules from escaping out and so because of the pressure
build up, it explodes. I was going to make a fried egg so my egg was not going
to have a shell. I just wanted to make sure it was safe so I looked it up in
google. Turned out the egg's yellow has a membrane which holds it together. So
when I microwave the egg, the water molecules wont be able to escape from the
membrane and it might blow up. Though it will be less disastrous
than microwaving an egg with a shell, trying to cook it in a microwave is going
to be catastrophic one way or the other.
That is when my brain started saying “Eat it Raw dude. I
will turn off your taste buds till you swallow it.”
But then I decided to make one more google search before I
was left to take that desperate measure. I landed upon a fellow bloggers blog and
she had this ingenious idea. Break the membrane of the eggs yellow with a tooth
pick so when the water wants to escape, it can from the hole in the membrane. I
poked the eggs membrane with the plastic tip of my compass.

The end result was a work of art that would have made even
Pablo Picasso envy me. Whether I ate it, will forever be a mystery.
lol.. Such a beautifully written post. MAde me crack up. I can so relate t this as going to the kitchen stresses me out beyond comprehension.
ReplyDeleteGlad to have found you at Indiblogger. Your newest follwer and a regular visitor now,
cheers
Kajal
Thank you Kajal. I am glad you liked it :)
DeleteHa! Ha! You did not remember to call PizzaHut or Dominos??
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed the post, well written.
Lol I think cheese is bad for the heart :P
DeleteWe'd have liked to see what it looked like, tho' :)
ReplyDeleteNice post.
I dont think you would like to be horrified though :P
Deleteha ha ha... thoroughly enjoyed the post. the writing was smooth and without any hiccups.
ReplyDeleteLol thank you man :D
Deleteerrr it seemed more like a science pproject than actual cooking... :D ... with water molecules, membranes :D . hehehheheh ... n the headline , (incase you err, how do i say it nicely, oh well ... in case you died making an omlette ) .. was tooo good :D ...
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE FAB!!!
Science project reminds me, you look like a smart nerdy dancer I know. You dont happen to be from my college by any chance do you?
DeleteErrr ... "smart nerdy dancer" .. hehheh .. dat does sound familiar :P .. which college were you in?
DeleteLOL telling it here will compromise my anonymity :P Fill in the contact me form in my site and send me ur email, I will email you my college's name :P
DeleteThat you're still alive and writing about the experience is proof enough that you didn't eat it eventually. :P
ReplyDeleteWell did I tell you how hungry I was before I started cooking :P
Deletei eat raw egg. lovely post. had a hearty laugh
ReplyDeleteCouldnt find the courage to do that lol :D
Deletei am very bad cook myself.Once made an egg dish for my half drunk friends and every one end up puking(literally)....:p
ReplyDeleteI would like to think i am a great cook, but I lack the right tools to do it :P As for your drunk friends, I think egg and alcohol did not mix well :D
DeleteHeard of order in ? No ? Though as much :P
ReplyDeletePoor you , my sympathies :)
The only thing I can have delivered to my house is Pizza and a few other stuff that I dont want to eat. Nobody is going to home deliver an omelet now rite?
Deletealright this is deja vu again. our brilliant plan was to cook eggs in a water boiler. ;)
ReplyDeletelol that must have worked. It did not? :D
DeleteHilarious post! And you are rather inventive! :D
ReplyDeleteLol you are in blog of a future Noble Laurette :P
DeleteCan paractically hear future girlfriend/ wife applauding in ecstasy. Atleast u learned to make eggs without exploding them. Which is more than that can be said for most indian men
ReplyDeleteLOL I think I wont get married if my future girl sees this post :P I had to reassure all the cute girls who read this post that I can cook in the stove :P
DeleteI am happy I learnt about it all on your blog, not on INDIA-TV!
ReplyDeleteHaha lol I am glad too :D
Deletehehe really please please tell me did u eat it?
ReplyDeleteI am not telling you :P
Deleteyou shud have taken a picture tooo ... for all of us to admire the art :)
ReplyDeleteso did you eat and not feel hungry :)
Bikram's
hilarious it was . . and right now i am hungry like anything and the veins in my eyes are popping out ;) good one
Deletekeep writing
maliny
@Bikramjit - Well that is one art that would have spread horror :P
Delete@Maliny - Thank you :) I hope you find some food :D
DeleteHm.... Interesting experience
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
Delete“Eggs explode when you put it in a microwave.” ... yup, I can vouch for that. But if you time it right, you can still pull it off. My former roommate mastered the technique after a couple of experiments where we ended up cleaning the kitchen floor.
ReplyDeleteLOL I will try to master this fine art of not making the egg explode :P
Deleteyou shoulda posted a picture of the end result! how am i to know if it was edible or deadly? lol. fun read, thankuverymuch!
ReplyDeleteLOL it would have shocked my readers. They will never come to my blog again. :)
Deletehahahaha...whether you ate it or not....let it be a mystery... :P
ReplyDeleteCooking for the first time is always an adventurous experience...I too faced similar situation couple of years ago... ;)
nice one... :D
Thank you :)
DeleteInteresting read...din't expect myself to read the whole thing..But you managed to get me through!
ReplyDeleteGlad you found the patience :)
DeleteHahaha :D :). Nice read ;).
ReplyDeleteWhy did you leave it as a mystery? :(.
My position will be the same if I enter a kitchen :P.
Thank god, I don't have your guts ;). There is Hotel right in front of my house to save me :P.
Awesome post :).
Keep COOKING :P
Well when you are in your house, you can go to a hotel alone and eat without offending your mother :D
Deletegood one :))
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
DeleteI'm guessing you ate it :D
ReplyDeleteLOL :D Yeah I was kind of hungry :P
Deletethanks for the wonderful insight into the world of eggs (in microwave).
ReplyDeletefunny!..i bet you couldn't swallow a bite.
I was a little hungry :P
DeleteWhat a funny write-up :P
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
DeleteI did not want to gross people out :D
ReplyDeleteHaha...it was fun to read this! Google has seriously made life so simpler! What happened to your egg finally, that probably only you can tell! :D
ReplyDeleteLol I am alive man. That is all that matters :D
Deletethis is called " i cant cook for my life"
ReplyDeleteLOL no man I dont think it is called that :P
Deleteha ha very nice one Narcissist. :)
DeleteThe thing you said about mom making food from nothing- I had that feeling too so many times. When they make it, it seems so simple. When we try, well this happens! ;)
Keep writing.
This reminds me- there is a similar post in my blog. Do check it out if you have the time
http://devanexpresses.blogspot.in/2010/07/culinary-screwup.html
Sure thing dude :)
Deletewonderful narration!!
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
DeleteDudddeeee. :P
ReplyDeleteThat's all I'd say I guess. :P
LOL you are a master chief huh? :D
DeleteWhat on Earth made you think that?! There's a special "No entry" sign outside my kitchen that is meant for me.
DeleteIn all probability, I would burn the house down otherwise. :P
Lol I thought u were making fun of me being a guy and stereotyping all men as sloppy cooks when u said Duddddeeee :P
DeleteSo the chef "apadeye sapadale" - so finally cooked something to saciate your hunger. Good effort. keep it up
ReplyDeleteI dont recall mentioning I ate it :P
DeleteAbsolute piece of brilliance this. I was 7 years old when I tried making Barfi, guided by my Environmental Science TextBook.
ReplyDeleteThat was a Rembrandt, no less.
- R.R
LOL What kind of Barfi were u trying to make?
DeleteLOL! ha ha I guess the sight of it! :D I just made three 3 dosas for my uncle and it became so thick..he felt like he had 6 !! :D
ReplyDeletewow that would have been a mouth full :D
Deletehahahah...this was soooooo very funny..next time stak up ur secrt cupboard wid sum goodies so that u dun hv to wait n watch whthr u l get to eat your egg or watch it explode..lol
ReplyDeleteThe secret cupboard was empty on that day :D
DeleteHahahahaha!! That was quite an adventure... and a pretty good idea actly.. :D LOVED THE POST!
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it :)
DeleteGood post.
ReplyDeleteMen must know cooking otherwise we are not equal
LOL men do know cooking. There are only as many men who dont know how to cook as there are women who dont know how to cook. Even if my statistics is wrong doesnt it make the fairer sex the superior sex? ;)
DeleteHAHA! you're so funny!
ReplyDeleteLol thanks :)
DeleteWho said bungee jumping and the likes of it is alone adventure esp when you can find the mystic thrill of it in your very own kitchen.nice posts,like your blog,very catchy and humorous!
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot Vaishali :) I am glad you liked my blog :)
Delete“Hungry Boy Died in Kitchen trying to make an omelette.”
ReplyDeletesuperlyk
:D
lol thanks jagriti :D
DeleteLoving the pictures.
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it
DeleteBrilliant post, loved it. So did you add salt and pepper?
ReplyDeleteIs that a trick question to find out whether I ate it? :P
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