Men Flirt Women Gossip

Diary Entry – 34

  

After a very long time I met two of my buddies Yoda and Stud.

Stud: Wassup dog? How many chicks have you managed to pick up in the past few years? (Tamil – Enna da naye? Ethana figureeh correct panne?)

This is the way buddies greet each other these days. They think that the general well being of a person depends on how many girls he has been with.

Me: Haha. You definitely have not changed much. How are things with you? Girls in your college chasing after you like always?

Stud: No man. The girls who I study with have a really weird taste in men. They are after this girly dude who looks and acts like a gay fashion designer.

At this point the wise Yoda steps in.

Yoda: I thought an alpha male like you would have punched his face by now.

Stud: Trust me, a lot of people in my college want to do that but we can’t. It will be like hitting a girl. It feels so very wrong. I have no idea why all the women flock around him.

Me: Maybe girls like him because he is a real charmer.

Stud: Charmer my foot. Dude I can probably flirt with chicks better than him.

Yoda: Girls flock around him because his area of interest matches with theirs. That is why they like him so much.

Stud: Area of interest? Dude some of the chicks are really stupid to discuss subject related stuff with him.

Yoda: I was not talking in an academic point of view you fool. I was talking generally. Like the general area of interest of most men being flirting.

Stud: Oh so what do you think is the area of interest of the females in my college?

Yoda: Gossiping

Stud: Gossip? How do you gossip macha?

Me: We are doing it right now.

Stud: Those chicks are all a bunch of aunties da. (Tamil - Ellam seri ah na mami macha.)

Yoda: Dude, you know what the girls are saying right now? They are calling us a bunch of flirts. (Tamil – Kadala Party)

Stud: What is wrong with being called a flirt? Is that not a compliment recognizing the efforts we put in?

Yoda: Well not exactly. Being called a flirt is like calling a woman a gossip monger.

Stud: That can’t be good.  

Yoda: It definitely is not.

Stud: So you are saying I should change my approach when it comes to women? Start gossiping instead of flirting?

Yoda:  I don’t think it will bring the effect you desire.

Stud: Why?

Yoda: Flirting is something you have been doing for years. Your current level of skill and knowledge can be compared to that of a bachelors’ student and before you get married you will have the skill of a masters’ student.

Stud: Okay?

Yoda: Just like how you have a bachelors degree in flirting. The chicks you seek to mesmerize have a similar degree in gossiping. But you my friend are still in high school when it comes to gossiping and the girls will be in preschool when it comes to flirting.

Stud: Why do you think they are in preschool?

Yoda: How many women have told you that they do not know how to flirt, as if it is something to be proud of?

Stud: Oh yeah. But I can work on my gossiping skills rite? Make it better to match their skill.

Yoda: Yeah go ahead and talk about us behind our back. It will make us very happy to have you as our friend.

Stud: Hmmm sorry.

Yoda: There is nothing you can do about it. When those chicks get married and have children their gossiping skills will have attained doctorate level and when they become grandmas they will probably win a noble prize if ever there was one for gossiping.

Me: Uh some people will call this stereotyping you know. :D

Yoda:  Oh I am not saying that all women are like that. There are exception to everything just as there are some women who are like angels from heaven with an exceptional talent when it comes to flirting.

Stud: Boy don’t we wish all women were like that :D

Yoda: If only we lived in a perfect world.

Stud: But dude if women like that get a PhD in gossiping by the time they have kids, wont we have a similar level of skill when it comes to flirting at that point of time?

Yoda: If you pursue your PhD after your marriage you will get something you don’t want for your degree certificate.

Stud: What is that?

 

Yoda: Divorce papers signed by your wife.

An apt reaction for this post would be:

If you are woman – “Men! They never change.”

If you are man – “Haha! That is so true.”

If you are a gay fashion designer – Say the same thing the women are saying :D


Previous Post - The Crooked Tooth

The Crooked Tooth

Diary Entry – 33

Mom: We should take you to a dentist sometime.

Me: Why? Is something wrong with my teeth?

Mom: Mmm there is nothing wrong with your teeth but it does not hurt to get an opinion about things from a professional.

Me: Uh? Opinion about what?

Mom: Your teeth of course. I think we can make it look better than what it is now.

Me: Oh you mean get a cleaning? I could use that. I hear women these days are attracted to weird things like manicured nails and straightened hair. Whitening my teeth seems a lot more logical that all that.

Mom: Well I was thinking more in the lines of braces da.

Me: What? Why do I need braces? Is my teeth misaligned or something?

Mom: I think your teeth are a bit crooked.

(I run to bathroom to look into the mirror.)

Me: Oh my god. Mom why did you not tell me this before? I thought normal human beings had teeth like mine. :O

Mom: It is nothing to worry about. We can get it fixed in a few months.

Me: Will wearing braces be painful.

Mom: You don’t have to worry. It will be a little uncomfortable at first but you will get used to it. Also these days they have these internal braces you can wear.

Me: Okay. I want to get this done as soon as possible.

Mom: You can also get your teeth whitened when you are there. The Dentist is my patient so you will get quality treatment.

Me: Hmmm okay.

I go to the dentist. Lie down and get my teeth cleaned and whitened.

Dentist: Your mother tells me that your teeth are crooked and you might need braces to fix it.

Me: Yeah she told me that too. Is it very bad?

Dentist: Exactly the teeth in which jaw does she find crooked?

Me: What? You are asking me?

Dentist: Well I am not sure which tooth she finds crooked.

Me: Why don’t we call her up then?

I call.

Mom: Hello. What happened?

Me: Amma. Which tooth do you have a problem with?

Mom: What? Give the phone to the dentist.

Me: Okay

My mom and the dentist have a small talk and the dentist hands the phone back to me.

Dentist: Open your mouth.

Me: Aaahhhhhh.

Dentist: I think she is talking about this tooth over here. It is slightly crooked.

Me: Can we fix it? Is it very bad?

Dentist: Tell me. What course are you doing right now?

Me: huh? I am doing engineering?

Dentist: You plan to make a career as a model or movie star?

Me: What? No. 

Dentist: Then nobody is going to notice this one crooked tooth of yours. Have a good day.

 When in doubt about how I look, I ask the opinion of the lady who noticed the crooked tooth that even the dentist could not find after examining my mouth. Most of the time she thinks I look great. Nothing can be more reassuring.   

Previous Post - The Boy Friend

The Boy Friend

Diary Entry – 32

When your friend starts acting weird, there is usually only one reason for that. They have a boy friend. When Lulu (name changed) started acting weird, I did not know why. Lulu and I were far from being best of friends but we used to talk to each other a lot and I would like to assume that that was enough for us to be more than mere acquaintances. Then she started acting weird and a few weeks later, I learn from one of my friends that she has a new boy friend.

I first thought it must have been something I said, but I learnt that her other male friends were not getting any special treatment either, so I just let it pass thinking she will come around when her senses return. Three months later, my friend tells me that she put her facebook status which hinted she was going to get married to that boy friend of hers. Dear lord, we thought J Lo (Jennifer Lopez) was crazy. If you do not understand what I am talking about, note how J Lo is getting married with a different man in each magazine cover.

I did not believe my friend when he told me Lulu put a facebook status that suggested she was going to get married and so I wanted to go check this out myself.When I went to her facebook page to confirm what he said, I realized I was not there in her friends list. You may be arch enemies with someone in the real world but they will still be your friends in facebook. Some of my friends got deleted from the friends list by accident and I thought this case was no different. But when I tried to add her back, I couldn’t. So I talked to her –

Me: Hey! Did you delete me in facebook?

Lulu:  No Abhi. Why will I do such a thing?

Me: Lol. Maybe your boy friend hacked your account and deleted me or something. :D

Lulu: No he wont do anything like that. You don’t know him.

Me: Mmmm. I am sorry if I said something wrong. I was just kidding. Your boy friend doesn’t have your passwords rite?

Lulu: Yeah he does. I gave them to him.

Me: WTF?

Lulu: What is wrong with that?

Me: What is wrong with that? What is wrong with YOU? My god. He gets to access your entire personal life? You don’t have any privacy at all.

Lulu: It is all about trust da. Me giving my password shows how much trust I have in him and gives him reasons to trust me.

Me: Oh yeah? So you trust him enough to not misuse it and take control of your life.

Lulu: He will not misuse it in anyway abhi.

Me: I sure hope for your sake he doesn’t. But add me back in facebook. I am not able to add you.

Lulu: Lol I will do it in the night. Facebook seems to have a lot of bugs ever since Google brought in Google+ :D. We should complain.

Me: Lol yeah I guess.

The next day

Lulu: I am really sorry. You were right. My boy friend read some of our chat and felt insecure. He blocked you in facebook. I think he gave report abuse also. That is why you are not able to add me.

 

Me: WHAT? He gave report abuse because I am your friend? HOW IS THAT ABUSE?

Lulu: I am sorry.

Me: How can you put up with this guy? He doesn’t even trust you.

Lulu: He trusts me very much. You don’t know him.

Me: He trusts my ass. Jealousy I understand. But blocking your friends from facebook? :x.

Lulu: You don’t know him. He is not like what you think. He must have thought you were like all guys - a jerk.

Me: If he trusted you so much when you gave him your password, why will he find the need to go through your Gtalk Chat history?

Lulu: He trusts me okay. He just gets very jealous. He doesn’t even like other guys looking at me. He is very possessive.

Me: WHAT? Is he going to make you wear a purdah then?

Lulu: Hehe. No abhi.

Me: Sheesh Lulu don’t you see that your boy friend is everything you women have been fighting against in the last century? I know a feminist who will shoot you down with a machine gun for making him your boy friend.

Lulu: He makes me very happy da. He is like this because he loves me and I love that about him.

(What can I possibly say when she loves that?)

Me: Hmmm. For your sake I hope I am wrong. If you live happily ever after like Cinderella, I will be very happy. BUT, if you break up with him, please add me back in facebook.

Lulu: Okay. I am sorry again. There is nothing I can do. Bye.

Six months later

Facebook

New Friends Request

Lulu

Lulu: Abhi!

Me: Hey Lulu. I guess your boy friend finally started trusting you more huh?

Lulu: My boy friend is an asshole.

Me: (Did I not tell you? :D) Oh! What happened?

Lulu: He cheated on me.

Me: Oh you poor thing. :D

Lulu: I dumped him but he keeps stalking. I want it to stop. Tell me how to change my passwords abhi. Tell me FAST.

Previous Post - Excuses

Excuses

Diary Entry - 31

I know I have not blogged for quite some time now and people keep reminding me that.Some might tell you it is pure laziness that is keeping me away but the truth is, I have been juggling with several things and have not got time for anything else. Apart from the usual college work, I have to apply for MS. When I was preparing for my GRE I thought once I am done writing the exam, everything will be easy and I will be in America climbing the Grand Canyon like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible. 


I was wrong. Going to America is not that easy. Writing the GRE is the easiest part of the process. Deciding which university to apply to, writing your SOP, getting your LORs and Transcripts followed by filling the long application forms of each university has been keeping me occupied. Writing a SOP requires a lot of introspection. I have given mine none, which is reason to worry. If this was not enough there is this final year project work that I have to do. That followed by exams, assignments, seminars and placements is enough to keep me busy. The little time I have for myself I spend saving the world in video games.And you thought Batman was awesome.

 

I will be back soon. :D

Previous Post - The Fanatics