My Crude Reproduction - 1

Diary Entry - 27


They look so much better on paper. Scanning it makes it look worse than it actually is. :D

Previous Post - How we talk on the phone

How we talk on the phone

Diary Entry 26
 

At 9:30, every night my mother calls.

  

Me: Hello amma

Mom: Hello

Mom: Endha Vishashum? (What is new?)

Me: Vishashum onnum illa. (Nothing much)

Mom: Endengil vishashum parra da. (Tell me something da)

Me: hehe onnum sambavachilla ma. (Lol Nothing happened ma)

Mom: When are you coming home next?

Me: Dunno ma

Mom: Ahvada Mazha indoe? (Did it rain there?)

Me: Illa. (No)

Mom: Did you read the news paper today?

Me: Mmmmm

Mom: Sheesh

Me: Hehe I don’t have time to read news paper amma.

Mom: Eda, do you atleast know who Anna Hazaree is?

Me: Mmmmm lok pal blah blah.

Mom: My god. It is a shame if they ask you to say something about it in group discussion and if you have nothing to say.

Me: Mmmm

Mom: Ahharam Kaicho. (Did you eat anything?)

Me: mmmm

Mom: Ivada Sunny aunty nde maganu oru kutti prasavichu. (Here Sunny auntys son had a baby)

Me: mmmm

Mom: I will go out to get something for the baby tomorrow, so I can visit them over the weekend.

Me: Mmmm

Mom: The uncle in our colony, who works in MRF, in our colony died

Me: Mmmmm

Mom: Geroge uncles son got enganged.

Me: Mmmmm

Mom: Shantha chechi is getting a operation done

Me: Mmmm

Mom: It is not anything very serious.

Me: Mmmm

Mom: Hmmm how is class going? When is your exam?

Me: Mmmm

Mom: Grrr Po da. Ellathunum Mmmm Mmmm Para. (You say Mmmm Mmmm for everything.. Bye..)

Me: Hehe :D

Phone cut.

Call summary: 8 minutes 43seconds.

--------------------------------------

Two weeks later, I call my mother in the middle of the day when she is working.

Me: Hello amma. I want to do a summer training. Can you ask our colony uncle who is in MRF if I can join there.

Mom: GODDDD!!! HE DIED TWO WEEKS AGO. I TOLD YOU

Me: Oh? When??

Mom: @$%!$

-----------------------------------------

Then there is dad. This is what happens when he calls.

Me: Hello

Dad: Hello Kutta? Vishashum onnum illalo? (There is nothing new rite?)

Me: Illa acha. (No Acha)

Phone cut.

Call summary – 4 seconds.

Each time my dad calls, I will be left wondering if my dad set a new world record for the worlds shortest phone conversation ever.

-----------------------------

I hate talking to people over the phone because it restricts my ability to multitask. Since my dad is a multi multitasker, it is a lot more brief with him. And from what my mother told me when I went home last time, every male cousin of mine have similar if not less brief conversations, when they get a call from home. I assumed that this was the case with every guy.  But I was wrong.

One day I called my eating buddy to go out to eat. He told me I have to pay for him and he will pay me later on because he did not have any money at that point of time. I agreed and he told me he will come to my room at 7 Pm. He was on the phone when he came to my room. We went to the place where we eat and he was still on the phone. He made signals with his hand and told me what he wanted to eat and I placed the order for him. He was eating and he was still on the phone. I paid the bill and he was still on the phone. We came back to our rooms at 8:30 and that is when he said bye and hung up. He was speaking to a someone for ONE AND A HALF HOURS.

Me: Enna macha? Figure ah? (What Macha? Was it some chick?)

Friend: Illa da. That was my brother.  (No da. It was my brother.)

Me: WHAT? OMG :O

Friend: Enna da? (What da?)

Me: What did you talk to him for so long? Wait. How can you talk to him for so long?

Friend: Grr... Figure call panna mattum ne kaddala podarele? :x (You talk so long when chicks call rite? :x )  

Me: Sheesh.

He had a point there. I was not laconic to everybody I spoke to over the phone. That is when I realised that the people who I talk very little over the phone are the ones I am sure I wont lose no matter what. I tend to take those relationships for granted. So last time when someone complained that I don’t talk to them as much over the phone, I had only one thing to say, “Congratulations, You are the latest addition to my family tree.”

Previous Post -The South Indian Glossary

The South Indian Glossary

Diary Entry 25

This blog post is not meant for people from Tamil Nadu and Kerala. Do not waste time reading this, because there are better things you can do in life. It also applies for people who have not read any of my older posts. I have already warned you so dont tell me later this was a mokka post. For all those people who dont know what mokka means, read on... :) I am typing down my next post, so check back in an hour.

Some of you people from North India and elsewhere have no clue what Mallu and Tamil is. Because of this reason some of you have been finding it rather confusing when you try to read my blog. I have included the glossary of all the words I use or might use when I write. Before I get into that let me tell you a little about where I come from. There are two states in South India – Kerala and Tamil Nadu. I happened to be from both these places. They speak Malayalam in Kerala and Tamil in Tamil Nadu. You will find words from both these languages depending upon who I am talking to. Below is the list of vernacular words that I am so fond of using. 

Akka – Means elder sister in Tamil. You use it address strangers who are not old enough to be your great grandmother. If they are that old we say Pahti (If you say it wrong, it will mean dog in Malayalam)

This is the last person you should be calling 'Akka'

Anna – Similar to Akka.  If they are really old we call them Tha-tha

Chechi – Means elder sister in Malayalam. Unlike Tamil I address strangers who are much older than my great grandmother as chechi. I don’t know what else to call them in Malayalam. The male version of it is Etha.

Da – A tamil slang used to address guys. It is a connotation of familiarity. I used to use this with women too but some girls have found it irritating when I say it. So with much difficulty, I have stopped using it. It is a sign of closeness and bonding between friends. The female version is De. But De lacks all the love, bonding and warmth da has. I guess women can be offended by the smallest of things. You can call guys a**h*le and they will probably respond with a grin. Not applicable to women. So if you want to show lack of respect to a girl, all you have to do is use de in the sentence :D

Illa – Means No in Tamil and Malayalam. They are not pronounced the same way though.

Kadalai - It means nuts but what it actually means is flirting. But this term has be so over used that a simple conversation with a girl is called Kadala these days. When people see you talking to any girl, angel or crone, they will always say "Aye, Kadala" (Hey flirt).  

Konjam – Means little in Tamil. Example - Konjam over (Little too much)

Kutta – I don’t know what it exactly means. But it definitely does not mean dog. My mother calls me that for christ sake. It is like something like darling I guess.

Macha/Machi – I have been using this so much that people in my department stopped calling me by my name and started calling me macha. Sigh... It means something like dude in English. What it really means is brother in law. But some girls say this to their girl mates.  I don’t know of how that relationship works though.

Mallu – Short for Malaylis or people from the state of Kerala. Can be used as a insult or a compliment. :D

Mokka – There are several meanings to this word. People have a hard time figuring it out.

1. Boredom – Macha Mokkaya iruku. (Dude it is very Boring)
2. Easy – How was the placement aptitude paper? Mokka paper da. (It was too easy)
3. A joke nobody finds funny – This is highly popular in Tamil Nadu. They have Tv and Radio shows for this. After you heard the entire joke, you will probably be waiting to hear the part that is supposed to make you laugh. In such cases we simply say – Mokka poda dhey. ( Dont put Mokkai)

Mass – It means awesome.  So when I ask, “How is my blog?”, You should say “Macha your blog is mass.”

Seri – Means Okay. It can mean Okay as in an okay to a agreement or it can be the monosyllable okay that the girls are so find of using when guys text them.

Thala – Means Head. Another word like Macha used like Dude in English. It might also refer to Ajit Kumar. Some people say he is an actor. If you dont see this line after a week, that is because a fan must have beaten me up. (If you are tamil guy: 1.You were not supposed to read this post. 2. Yes. Mankatha is mass. I was talking about his Pre Mankatha era :D)

Hopefully from now on, you will have lesser trouble understanding the parts where I fail to give an English Translation :)

Previous Post - Ashley and Mamta
.

Ashley and Mamta

Diary Entry 24

Ashley is short for Ashok Leyland. Before you send me a message congratulating me, let me tell you that I did not get the job :D 
 

Act I


Scene I

26/7/2011

8:00 Pm

Me: Eda look at this new picture Mamta put in her facebook page.

Not the chief minister of Bengal, Mamta. The Movie Actress/Singer/Cancer Survivor, Mamta.

Roomie: She is so yuck.

Me: :| Are you kidding me man? She is the prettiest actress in the Malayalam movie industry.

Roomie: She is shit.

Me: She is a goddess.

I change my wallpaper from the black BMW that was there, to a picture of Mamta.

Me: We shouldn’t even drool at her da. It will become a sin :D

Roomie: Too much hype for the worst looking actress ever.

Me: I bet if we said we wanted to build a temple for her, we will get crores of rupees as donation.

Roomie: Okay why don’t you pray to her from now on if you think she is a goddess.

Me: :D :D *Grins *


Scene II

27/7/2011

7:30 Am


I never wake up early, but recently I have been obsessed about blogging. I became so obsessed that people started spreading rumors that I propose to every chick that follows me. The publicity even though negative involved my blog and any publicity for my blog was good. :D

Roomie: You are always sitting with your blog or reading other peoples blogs.

Me: Hmmm. It is fun. You should try sometime.

Roomie: Yeah? I have better things to do.

Me: Lol. Yeah, you are right. Blogging is for jobless people like me. :D

I prepare to shut down and go have a bath and get ready for college. My roomie sees the new wall paper of Mamta I put up yesterday.

Roomie: Change your wall paper da. It looks horrible.

Me: Hey!! Dont say bad things about goddess :D You will be punished.

Roomie: DAI!!

I joined my hands, looked at my laptop and pretended to pray.

Roomie: Your day is going to be the worst day possible. You just wait and see.

Me: We will see :P


8:30 Pm

Roomie: Hey Ashok Leyland is coming next Thursday.

Me: Did I not tell you something awesome is going to happen?

Roomie: What?

Me: Mamta :P

Roomie: OH GOD (He puts his hand in his head)

Me: haha. I don’t think I will sit though. I thought they will come after independence day. I don’t have my certificates or any interview clothes.

Roomie: Why don’t you go home this weekend?

Me: Well is it really worth the trouble? Three hundred people are going to sit and they are going to pick people in single digits for the job. That is a very slim chance.

Roomie: Still, lets give it a shot.

Me: Hmmm so I guess I will go then huh?

Roomie: Yeah. That will be a good idea. :)

So I ran home that weekend and have the entire episode of the “Shopping Blues”, got all the certificates and came back.


ACT II


Scene I

4/9/2011

7:00 Am

I was looking at the past year question papers.

Roomie: You going through all that?

Me: Yeah. Some questions in this paper came last time :)

Roomie: Ashok Leyland is not that stupid to repeat question papers da.

Me: Well since we did not prepare anything, we might as well do this.

Roomie: Lol You pray to your beloved Mamta.

Me: Hey! I forgot about that :D. You just wait and see, I am going to clear the apti test today with her power.

Roomie: Haha Sure.


Scene II

3:00 Pm

The first round and the only round that day was the aptitude. When I finished the aptitude, I knew that I had done well but if I had done well then the other people would have done better. So I go back to my hostel to take a good long sleep.

(Phone Rings)

Friend: Where are you?

Me: In Room. What happened?

Friend: We have to go back to give our attendance da.

Me: What? Nobody would have gone to class? What are they teaching there anyway?

Friend: Well if you get lag in the end, you will get OD. But that is only if you sign in the paper they have there.

Me: Shit okay lets go.

One might think that the whole purpose of doing an engineering degree is to find employment but in my part of the world even if there is a possible chance of employment, classes WILL go on as usual and you wont get attendance for anything.

When I went there, they had asked us to assemble to read out the names of the people who got short listed. Bored and hopeless I was texting my text buddies.

Voice: Aaakj Vasjkd Rasgkj

Me: (Did someone just read out my name)

Then he read it out again.


Me: Whaaat? :O

I find it extremely irritating when some people cant even pronounce my name properly. How hard can it be for an Indian to say that? It did not sound like my name but then he said it the second time. I had cleared the first round. I was one in the thirty.

Scene III

 (I call my mom)

Me: Amma, I cleared the first round.

Mom: Oh. How many people cleared it?

Me: Thirty over all. Seventeen from my branch.

Mom: How many people gave the exam?

Me: Three Hundred.

Mom: Okay. Do well like this when Ford comes.

Me: This is better than Ford. They pay a lot more here.

Mom: Oh. So you want this job?

Me: I wouldn't need counselling for depression if I happen to get it.

Mom: You can still try for Ford rite?

Me: No they allow only placement in one company. If I get a job in multiple companies, then I will be denying the chances other people have.  I cannot sit for a Ford, if I get a job here.

Mom: WHAT? That is so unfair.

Me: Sheesh. Is it unfair if I have a higher paying job and go for a interview in a lower paying job?

Mom: Hmmm. Still. Okay then. Bye.

Me: Bye.

Then I call my father.

Me: Acha. I got thro...

Dad: Kutta I will call you later.

Me: oka..(Phone Cut)..y

After fifteen minutes my dad calls.

Dad: I was driving. What happened? Is it your mess bill again?

Me: No Acha. You know that company I told you about last time when I came home to buy clothes for my interview.

Dad: Yeah? What about it?

Me: Well I cleared the aptitude there.

Dad: Okay. When is Ford coming?

I don’t know why my family is obsessed about ford.

Me: I don’t know.

Dad: Dont worry if you don’t get placed here. Just do your best to get placed in Ford.

Me: Sheesh thanks dad.

(Phone cut)

8 hours later

(Phone Rings)

Mom: Eda, Did I congratulate you for clearing the interview?

Me: Uh I don’t remember. But it doesn’t matter amma. It is not like I will get the job. I might.

Mom: Congratulations :D

Me: Thank you Amma.

It took 8 hours to sink in.

ACT III


Scene I


25/8/2011

11:00 Am

It has been three weeks and they have not said a word about the interview. In the end during when  the interview came, it happened in the worst possible way. It was video conferencing and the people from NIT were also attending it with us.

Me: What did he ask you?

NIT Guy: He asked me what mems was?

Me: What?

NIT: yeah. I said it is micro electro mechanical systems.

Me: That is correct but it is no way related to mechanical. You have to be in electrical to know that.

NIT: He told me it was wrong.

Me: What else did he ask you?

NIT: He asked how do you measure surface finish? I said in microns. He said it was wrong. He doesn’t know anything da. Everything I say, he says it is wrong.

Me: lol okay.

NIT: Seri ah na bonda va irukane da. (He is one bonda da) (See picture to know what 'Bonda' is)

Me: :D Did he put you in a lot of stress or something?

NIT: Dude that guy did not even look at my face. Forget maintaining eye contact. There will be none. He will look down and ask questions.

Me: Sheesh okay.

NIT: One guy even started yawning when I was answering the questions.

Me: Oh man.

Scene II

It was my turn in the interview. I had prepared the about me speech and tell me about your training speech like everybody else.

Interviewer: Briefly tell me about yourself.

Me: Sir I did my schooling in SSV tambram. My parents are both doctors. Since I...

Interviewer: What doctors?

Me: Dad is home physician and mom Dermatologist. Since I had no interest...

Interviewer: Where are they located?

Me: Tambaram.

Interviewer: Okay continue...

I say the about me and there is not even the slightest reaction from these people. They were not looking at me nor reacting to what I say. Forget smiling and sounding confident. It doesn’t make a difference.

A lot of technical bullshit was asked and a non mechanical student wont understand any of it and mechanical students wont be interested in any of it. But this how the interview ended...

Interviewer: What is the alloy of brass.

Me: (Is brass not an alloy itself? How do you make a alloy of a alloy?)

Me: Dont know sir.

Interviewer: Thank you.

I did the interview considerably well but after the interview I really did not care if I worked for the company or not. I had no respect for the people who asked me the questions. But the high salary they promised to give made me want the job. :D

A friend of mine asked me a copy of mamta’s wallpaper. I can give it to you but it wont help you clear your aptitude test. :)  
 

When the list came out they had taken four out of the seventeen people. I was relieved that it was all over. The butterflies in my stomach finally stopped flapping their wings.

I planned to write this if I got a job but then like my friend said before the interview, when everything is over, the sun will continue to rise and my parents will still love me, so I thought, what the heck. I am not really sad about anything so I might as well write the blog I intended to write :) :)

P.S - I have not seen any of Mamta's movies. I just like her. She had cancer and she continued acting and singing and doing everything she was doing when she had it. That is enough for me to like her :P 


Previous Post - For those who think I am a liar



.