Sunday, May 5, 2013

Three Things That Suck About England

Diary Entry - 55

The best thing about living in England is the internet connection which lets you download gigabytes in less than half an hour. This would have taken a few months in India but even this is slow for the Dutch guy who lives in my flat. He is used to speeds faster than the time it takes to start his computers. Anyway this post was meant to be a post on what I liked about England and the internet speed sort of concluded everything I liked about this country. That’s quite a lot I know, so I thought I should write a short post on what I do not like about this country.

Size of The Burgers

When I went to McDonalds India with my dad he found the price (90Rs), outrageous for a single burger. Turns out that you can have a full course meal in a place like Saravana Bhavan for the same amount of money. But none the less a burger along with a coke and french fries was enough to leave me burping. Having a burger in McDonalds here in England is guaranteed to leave you more hungry. When I placed an order for a regular McChicken Burger meal they gave me a burger which was the size of a large Vada. I stared at the burger for quite sometime because I thought they were playing a april fools prank on me in March. They sadly weren’t and the £4.99 Pounds I paid for the meal give me a vague feeling that I was being ripped off. These kinds of things make me love India a lot more because that day I went home and liked McDonald India’s facebook page.

 
The Bathrooms
In most cold countries, you will find a cold valve and hot valve in your tap and you can turn it and set it to the right amounts to get the water at the right temperature. In the UK the two valves are on separate taps. One tap gives you boiling hot steaming water which will burn your fingers. The other tap is so cold, it freezes your hand. So if you want to wash your hands in England you have to burn and freeze your hands alternatively. The English have had this plumbing system for so long that it makes me think my history teacher was a cold liar for telling me that these smart people were once the most powerful nation in the world.  

The Weather
The weather is the other thing in the UK. You never see the sun. If you were a vampire you could walk in the day light without any fear of evaporating or glittering or whatever happens to vampires these days. It is always raining and trust me you will not be writing poems about how beautiful it is. Life becomes so painful when it drizzles. Breathing and walking becomes excruciating. I am not complaining though. The weather in Chennai is just the polar opposite. The sun is so hot there that I think god is trying to make us all into Sheesh Kebabs for his party. 




54 Comments for this post:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks Paroma assuming you read it :D

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  2. Hey, we get it. So why are you in this cold hell?
    Our sunny country is right here.

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    1. Depending on where you live, you might have flood or scorching sun rite now :D

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  3. Ha! Good to know more about England. Seems like you really do kiss India :)

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    Replies
    1. I am guessing you meant miss. Yes I do :D

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  4. Lol! So true and hilarious!!

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  5. Brought back memories.. and yeah the plumbing system would drive me nuts in the morning rush. Scald, freeze, scald and then the tube..

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    1. I dont think they are fixing it anytime soon :D

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  6. This is interesting and at the same time funny, though experiencing it is a different thing altogether.
    And the last pic of 'installing british summer' tickled my bones for a long time :)

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    1. Lol I am not sure what the expression tickled my bones means.

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  7. Yes, I have heard about that, but you made me see yourself staring at disbelief at the vada-sized burger for £4.99. The thing about the taps is funny too. But the 'Installing British Summer" was fantastic!

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  8. weather yes !! a big time demotivator ..after a few months have passed by ...
    Burgers ... finger chips and a coke ( I can managed without these drinks :) )for me .. its always lesser quantity than charged be it anywhere and any joint !!
    Nice post !!
    The Bathroom issue brought a sure shot smile :)

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    Replies
    1. Its actually getting hotter here with less rains, believe it or not :D

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  9. So true about the burgers! they made us pay extra for teeny pouches of ketchup and mayonnaise too. That comes free anywhere in the middle east. Summer failing to install is brilliant :)

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    1. Lol they really charged you for the ketchup? :D They ripped you off big time :D

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  10. so true that we are getting baked here under the sun. hilarious post.. loved it..

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    1. I wanted to ask you how you got your name accepted in Google+ :O

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  11. Yeah about the summer sheesh kebab part...and I don't think humans even taste nice...not as nice as chicken anyway.
    I think the burger part got me hungry.So all the giant Quarter-Pounder with Cheese burgers are 'Murican?!:P
    And right now,I'm kinda envying England for not having summer.

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    1. You will not envy England when you taste grass on the other side. :D

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  12. LOL... Good to know to avoid in England.. like washing hands and eating... :) :)
    Hilarious.. but don't worry you aren't missing much in India.. Like eating and washing hands... :)

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  13. Totally true, Climate thr is like a pyscho, U need to carry an umbrella, raincoat and scarf with gloves every time in ur bag...
    Ajeeth boaz
    FB

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    1. You are right about carrying your wardrobe in your bag :D

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  14. That was hilarious! Very true about McDonald's. It's high time they start selling McVeggies and McAloo Tikki in the states and the UK. Until then, if you like cooking here is the exact tasting recipe of McVeggie I just dished out a couple of weeks ago:
    http://mycactusdress.blogspot.com/2013/04/mcdonalds-mcveggie-burger-recipe.html

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    1. I think they already do sell all that. Except not in McDonalds. :D

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  15. this is such a hilarous post!!
    loved it

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  16. HAHA..love the way you have narrated it..

    love
    http://www.meghasarin.com

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  17. Ha ha. And I had a completely different idea of the place. Thanks to my friend who lives there and sends me pictures of the wonderful countryside. Nice reading this post :-)

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    1. yea all that is there :D But when you make trips, you have to look at the weather first. Have we ever watched the weather news in India.

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  18. LOL this is the funniest post I've ever read in the last 2 years!! :D Great work!

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    1. Thanks Pitt. Though I have this urge to mark you as spam, I shall not. :D

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  19. I was actually bored when I came to this post, but after I read what you said about England, it really made me laugh mentally! I called my sisters and they laughed out loud on the part about the bathrooms (hot and cold water). The way how you wrote the ending was brilliant. Thank you!

    "Saving one bored person at a time (since 1971)" - I totally agree!

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    1. Thank you Emily, the virtual assistant of Klaus :D

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  20. Great Articel,keep post dear friend

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  21. This is my first visit to this blog and man, that was hilarious!!!! Every bit of it :D

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  22. I have to say I agree with you !!!!
    Would love you to check out my latest post :)
    Have a wonderful week Hun xoxo
    http://www.intotheblonde.com/

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    1. You have a blog which makes me hungry Adele :)

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  23. Some nerve commenting on the state of the U.K.'s bathrooms given the state of the toilets in India. I am from California, but I'm sure if Brits went to India they wouldn't be able to fit in their unfavorable remarks in just a few short paragraphs. You guys haggle for everything - even in California once you get here, so I'm sure you were surprised when McDonald's wouldn't drop to to 4.50 for the burger or at least throw in a free drink.

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    1. Lol thank you for taking the time to post such an intelligent and thoughtful comment. It is good to see an American take in humor quite well. Even if it involves brash stereotyping that some people might call, um I don't know, racism maybe? ;)

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  24. After reading this I think I should not mind paying abut Rs 85/- for a delicious plate ( two pieces) of vada at my place. I wonder if in England, they do not have a fixture called mixture so that hot and cold water run at the same time to make it moderately -rather tolerably- hot or cold. The rains particularly with the fog and accompanying dampness hardly seem to be beautiful as you say .
    Nice piece of writing , I must say !

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